History of Construction by S.S. Saucerman

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geico-caveman2,400,000 B.C. (10:16 a.m.) Grog, a primitive man, stacks one rock on top of another, thereby performing the first act of construction archaeologists have discovered.

2,400,000 B.C. (10:23 a.m.) Unk, the B.A. from Cave Dwellers Local 369, shows up and claims the work was his.

2,400,000 B.C. (11:37 a.m.) Nok, Grog’s neighbor, trips over Grog’s rocks while going out for his morning newspaper.

2,400,000 B.C. (11:54 a.m.)  The law firm of Urk, Urk, Wonk and Frug is established, specializing in liability and workers comp claims.

1,616,230 B.C. Strange man wanders onto job site with a hyper sense of authority and begins handing out astronomical fines for safety violations.   This intruder is greeted by workers with (and subsequently became know as) “Oh SHIIIIIII….!”  Over the centuries, this label is shortened and becomes simply “OSHA.”

2650 B.C. In the first known example of “value engineering,” Egyptian architects leave nose off of Sphinx of Giza to save money.

2600 B.C. The great pyramids of Giza are constructed. Originally designed as large rectangular structures, Egyptian builders run into stone-supplier strike and run out of product shortly after project begins, thus forcing them to taper down the profile as structure grows, eventually leading to a point at the top.  The engineers are pretty sure nobody would notice.

190 B.C. Following the lead of the builders of the Sphinx in Egypt, Italian designers, in the quest of value-engineering, leave arms off Venus De Milo.

752 A.D. Taverns are invented.

752 A.D. to 1211 A.D. No recordable construction occurs. Experts stumped.

1212 A.D. 100 Years War between England and France is fought for only 87 years, thereby laying basis for determining architects’ billable hour.

1370 A.D. Great tower is erected in Pisa, Italy.

1370 A.D. First drug and alcohol program for construction workers is implemented in Pisa, Italy.

1668 A.D. Though budgeted for $500,000 Swiss francs, the Swiss Architectural firm of Yenney and Yenney messes up plans and specs and project comes in at $1,000,000 after bids.  Y & Y then makes the bold move of charging to revise its own screwed-up plans, giving it even greater additional fees for correcting its own mistakes.  Architects from all around the globe declare, “Wow, cool!”

1708 A.D. Plumb-bob is invented. Bob sues for copyright infringement. Urk, Urk, Wonk and Frug represent. Case still pending.

1752 A.D. Great fire destroys most of Moscow.  Engineer blames electrician.

1803 A.D. U. S. buys all land west of the Mississippi from France.  U. S. later declares it got screwed when it finds there are no sewer and water laterals. Suit is filed.  Urk, Urk, Wonk and Frug represent.  Case pending.

1810 A.D. Schubert tries in vain to finish symphony but architect won’t sign off on punchlist.  Work remains uncompleted.

1869 A.D. Transcontinental railroad is completed with the driving of the Golden Spike at Provotory, Utah.  Spike later removed by landscaper while mowing and whole thing has to be laid out again.

1906 A.D. Massive earthquake topples nearly four square miles of San Francisco.  Building engineers blame design software manufacturer.

1912 A.D. “Unsinkable” British luxury ocean liner is lost in Northeast Atlantic and 1,513 lives are lost.  Engineer blames painters.

1929 A.D. Low-rise jeans invented for plumbers, leading to the siting of many really, really great depressions.

1959 A.D. In historic Kitchen Debate, VP Richard Nixon confers with USSR leader Khrushchev at a U. S. trade show in Moscow.  Pat Nixon ignores the two blockheads and goes with hickory raised panel doors and gold fleck countertop.

1964 A.D. Civil Rights movement leads to ADA. ADA, of course, stands for “Another Dumb Addition” to the cost of construction by politically-correct plebians.

1989 A.D. After an exhaustive third-party review of AIA (American Institute of Architects) contracts and documents–most often used by contractors entering into commercial building projects–it’s officially determined that through the wording of the indemnity clauses included in virtually every paragraph, the architectural community has achieved its long-sought-after goal of having no responsibility for its actions.

1999 A.D. The latest BOCA Uniform Dwelling Code is completed. Six copies are printed and distributed in Cameroon.

2003 A.D. While lounging in his hot tub on an August night, cynical and snotty construction-industry writer S. S. Saucerman is attacked by a pack of lawyers and architects armed with rolled-up blueprints and briefcases.  Officials can only comment, “And the screwy thing was, he was just wearing flippers and a cape.”  After subsequent review, it’s determined that Saucerman deserved it.

LaPaz Garden Court Ground Breaking II

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LaPaz Garden Court Ground Breaking
LaPaz Garden Court Ground Breaking

We had the official Ground Breaking for the LaPaz Garden Court yesterday, Thursday, October 29, 2009.  An article and some pictures are in the Pilot News here.  There were about 25 or 30 in attendance, representing various entities that support the project.  This was about 10 days after we began the actual earthwork on the site.  Today’s unfit weather has slowed us down, otherwise we would have been cutting in the footings today.

LaPaz Garden Court Ground Breaking

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Ground Breaking Announcement in the Pilot News, October 14, 2009

This is a bit of a misnomer since we literally broke ground last Monday, October 19th, but this Thursday, October 29th at 2:00 PM will be the Official Ground Breaking.  We will break out the gold shovels and make sure everyone gets their picture taken.  Reverend Liechty, President of Garden Court, Inc., will make a short speech.  Often local government officials will attend.  Congressman Donnelly has been invited as well since this project is funded by a Federal Grant through the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD).  The site is at 110 Cale Street.  It is behind the Community Church of God which fronts on Hwy 31, just south of downtown LaPaz.

We are pushing hard on this one as we would like to see it under roof before the weather turns.  That may be difficult with the late start, but the schedule calls for footings to be installed by the first of next week.

We are still working towards a Garden Court in Culver next year and there is talk of another in Plymouth as well.  We look forward to these additional opportunities to assist Garden Court, Inc. in the community service they provide.

Airport Security Tip

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Since I was a teenager, possibly even younger since I was in Cub Scouts, I have carried a pocket knife.  Something unthinkable for kids today.  Did you see the recent story about theEagleScout Eagle Scout that was kicked out of school for having a pocket knife (Weapon!  Zero Tolerance you know!) at school?  In a box…  In a locked car… In the parking lot…  If you want to read the AP story, it is here.  But this is to be a “Tip” not a “Rant” and once again, I’ve digressed.

Anyway, my knife is one of the small multi-purpose ones.  It’s so dull it can hardly be called a knife, but it is ocassionally useful on site visits and around the house.  I know better than to take it to the airport, but in the rush of getting ready last week, I transferred it from pants pocket to pants pocket as I always do when dressing and didn’t give it a second thought.  That is until I was emptying my pockets in the security line at the airport.

This was at South Bend Airport and fortunately I was early for my flight.  There was no one else in the line with me and the TSA personnel were sympathetic, but said there was nothing they could do.  They suggested I take it out and put it in my checked bag… I wasn’t checking a bag.  They suggested that I take it out to my car…  I was dropped off at the airport, i.e. no car.  They suggested I call someone…  It had been 20 minutes since I was dropped off and there was no one close I could call.

As I’m standing there in my stocking feet, my computer, computer case, shoes and coat already down the conveyor belt, a possible solution came to me.  I retrieved all my  things and got out of line.  (Fortunately there was only one person behind me and he seemed to be more amused than upset.)  I went back out of the security check area and went over to the car rental counters.  I picked the one with no one waiting, Hertz, and asked the attendant, “Do you have a Lost & Found box?”  lostandfoundShe was very helpful and said yes as she started to walk and get it when I explained, “I didn’t lose anything.  (yet)  I want to put something in it!”  I explained that even if I ended up not being able to claim it from their lost & found, there was at least a chance that I could get it back.  With TSA, it was going to be a 100% certainty that it was gone.  She was extremely nice, let me put a note on it and put in in the lost & found for me.  On my return trip, I retrieved it.

Okay, this may not be a great tip and it may have limited applications, but I thought it was worth passing along.  It would never work in one of the larger airports at the point that I discovered my error, but it worked for me this time!

Lapaz Garden Court under Contract

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Lapaz Garden Court Site Plan

Yesterday was a long day, but a good day.  I went to Indianapolis for the closing on the Lapaz Garden Court.  This project is a 14 unit assisted living facility in Lapaz, IN.  The project is funded by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD).  This will be the 6th Garden Court facility built by Easterday Construction Co., Inc.  We’re pleased to have the opportunity to work with Garden Court, Inc. once again.

The closings are interesting as there is a flurry of HUD personnel in and out making sure that their different criteria are met.  As always, paperwork is a big part of any government project.  Fortunately the Garden Court team (Hughes & Associates, Real Estate Management and B.A. Martin Architects)  has been through this multiple times in the past.  I think the HUD personnel appreciate what they do and try to make things as painless as possible.  This closing went smoothly and only took a little more than two hours, but in the past we have been phoning, faxing, emailing and otherwise chasing the necessary paperwork.  It seems there is always one more thing required.

Thanks to the work of Garden Court and the HUD, Lapaz will have a new Garden Court facility ready to occupy by this time next year.